Recently, my mom decided that she wanted to name my child Bella instead of Terra, for a middle name. She insisted it's because her name means "Bell" in Hmong and not based off of the book Twilight by Stephanie Meyer. But to my mom's credit, "Bella" was a name that both grandma's agreed upon without even consulting each other, and so, Bella it is. And then she made me go to a Twilight convention. And then she gave me the book to read.
Needless to say, at the Twilight convention that was at the St. Regis in the Financial District here in the city, I had no idea what was going on. I never saw the movie, never read the book. I pretty much stayed away from it as much as possible. I picked up the book to try to read about 2 weeks ago and barely got through the first chapter two days ago. I'm about half way into the book now, still trying to humor my mom. And since the DVD comes out soon, I watched the movie finally.
At this point, I can't say what I think is better, the book or the movie, because quite frankly, neither have grabbed my interest much... and I LIKE VAMPIRES (and vampire related things). I'm not sure if it's because the book was written so poorly, or if the screenplay was haphazardly put together, but I just don't see the phenomenon. I went to the convention before having read or seen the movie, and there were RAVING, and somewhat lunatic, fans there screaming their little lungs and brains out.
It's sad that I don't quite see the charm... but I'll continue to read, to humor my mom. Hopefully, the writing gets better, and maybe the next movies will be better composed and not just a mish-mash of cluttered themes which make it irrevocably impossible to get into.
Went to get an ultrasound earlier today, and the technician confirmed that from what they can tell, it's a girl!
You may commence buying cute clothes for my baby! :D
After taking a look back at what I had written at the beginning of the year, it seems I had no idea what it would REALLY mean to me.
It seemed harmless enough to write something so vague. Oh, how it would be world-changing and profound. No longer would my life be about me, ME, ME, but it would be about "you", us, and baby.For 2008, I want to grow more.
My journey of self-sacrifice is now JUST beginning.
All of these years I have felt like everything I did was for someone else--family, friends, strangers, etc. Now it would be turned inward and then glimmer anew as selflessness for something so fragile. It may feel at times, that it has taken over me, but I know that I should hold on to this while I can. Eighteen years isn't that far away.
And before I know it, I'll be helping to coach them on their own journey to self-sacrifice, in whatever form that may be.
I know that I will eventually look back at this post, two, five, ten years from now and remember how naive I was. However, for now, I want to live in this purple-haze that allows me to focus on only good times to come.
2009 will be life-changing, as I will probably note every year, every month, every day, and every moment of my waking life. I will grow more, learn things, make mistakes, and fail at a lot of things, but I know that I will always give it my all. I will always try to appreciate those around me who can offer help as well as the many who are just there.
Throughout my eternal struggle to better myself, I know that it won't be an easy or likable thing, but is always necessary. In many ways, I know that 2009 will have many obstacles, and 2008 will probably pale in comparison, but as I grow and become more self-aware, this is always the case, in self-reflection of previous years.
For now, I will end my ramblings and close with a few comments of what I look forward to this year:
- New Life
- New Adventures
- New Experiences
- New Job
I hope to love endlessly.
As my unborn child's kicks grow ever stronger, it keeps me up into the late hours. Roars and rumbles, leaving me curling in pain.
I want to sleep, rest my wary head... but I am always awakened at 3 a.m. until 7 a.m. until I fall back asleep only to have to awaken shortly after, yet again.
I fall into my deep meditations of the worry of the world. The weight of an uncertain future blurs reality. Doubt fills my disillusions.
Am I doing the right thing?
Lifeless breaths raise your chest, while you exhale new life into the dissonance. My watchful eye follows your silhouette and I contemplate a similar notion.
Do you know that I need you more than anything right now?
Carelessly, I throw my innocence into the wind. Let my thoughts creep into the recesses of your embrace.
I need you so much more than you know...
I've never been more terrified in my life.
Circling the vacant earth
Resting endlessly in my soul
A new spark ignites a new fear
Desperation
Anxiety
Love
Hopelessness
Life incumbent upon struggle
Struggle incumbent upon lies
Lies incumbent upon life
Frailty
Disillusion
Wrath
Naivety
A veil of ruby jewels
Descend into my hands
And life is born anew
This last weekend I went to see family in the central valley. My cousin Jeanie came to the bay area but managed to get back in time on Sunday to make her big announcement that she was 5 months (21 weeks) pregnant. Woohoo! How great is that?
Our family is just spouting babies everywhere! :)
Well, while I was down there I was basically cornered. My aunts and cousins held me down and made me tell them that A.J. and I are engaged and then FORCED me to tell them the additional news of being 13 weeks pregnant.
So, the cat's out of the bag. I'm totally pregnant!
Hopefully, in a month I can tell everyone what's the supposed sex of the baby, but if the Chinese lunar calendar is any indication, I'm having a girl. :D Let's wait until the ultrasound confirms that. ;)
Overall, my family members were so happy for me and supported me a lot. I know that my mom did not want me to tell anyone until I was ACTUALLY married, but why hide something so wonderful? It was funny that my dad was like, "YAY!" and my mom was like, "BOO!" and my brothers were like, "WOO-HOO!" When my cousin Jeanie and I told our grandmother she said, "Well, I figured as much. The food that Renée kept asking me to make was what I was craving when I was pregnant." Oh grandma... You're a SMART cookie, you are!
So, the things I will need to tackle in the next month or so:
- Maternity Clothes Shopping
That's about it. :P
So, for those of you who are in the bay area have probably heard about the Outside Lands Festival. Well, that's happening this weekend. And while most of you may be really excited or completely indifferent, I have to deal with the concert festivities being no less than two blocks from my residence. Which is nice, but also, at the same time, absolutely terrifying.
However, the most exciting thing is that Radiohead will be playing FOR ME at MY HOUSE ... LIVE! Please review the following diagram for further details:
Figure 12.3b - Radiohead's Proximity to My Place
The rest of the weekend (Saturday - Sunday) will follow with me leaving for out of town because quite honestly, I'm worried about 60 thousand people walking around inebriated smashing windows and make loud noises... other than me. :D
Edit: I looked down my street towards the park this morning and I can see the tents. Yep. It's going to be a great weekend... :-\
Inspired by Warhammer Online coming out soon, I decided to take a couple of photos of myself with elf ears. For this rendition I am an High Elf Archmage (you can tell by the circlet on my head. :)
I drew over a picture of myself using photoshop.
:3
on Be The Voice - Drawing